Man/Boys in Brazil

The role of the family in Brazil cannot be overstated. Devotion to one's family takes precedence over all other interests even soccer and religion. Countries that value family above all else exhibit certain advantages. Problems with suicide and drug addiction are higher in developed countries like Sweden and Japan and the US than in India or Brazil.

While a stronger familial structure will foster healthier and more confident children, there are some drawbacks, too. In close family cultures like Brazil's, there is less privacy. A 12-year-old Brazilian girl told me she isn't allowed to be in her own bedroom with the door closed, even when she's alone. Without privacy, it's more difficult for adolescents to hide their problems.

Children who grow up feeling secure and included more often grow up to be well-adjusted adults. Brazilian children aren't left at home when their parents go to dinner or to the movies. There are no babysitters in Brazil, as they aren't necessary. A Brazilian girl in college confessed she is afraid to stay home alone even for a few hours.

Parties in Brazil include everyone – grandparents, parents, and children. In the US, an adults' party isn't a relaxed party if their children are included, and teenage parties are best when the parents are traveling.

While the emotional support of a caring and attentive family is cited as the most valuable preventive medicine against depression and anxiety in adolescents, close family ties can sometimes have adverse effects, such as helicopter parenting. Children with no opportunity to think for themselves may feel suffocated and can harbor resentment toward their parents.

Helicoptering parents are found in every country I'm sure; however, in Brazil, they are more the norm than the exception. In fact, they are so common there is no term for them. It's common for domineering mothering to place a child into the role of servitude. Brazilian daughters are expected to care for their mothers their entire lives, while boys may become so spoiled they expect to be treated like kings even after they are grown and married.

A woman in her early 30s came to me for private English classes. It was her first class, and she brought her 7-year-old son with her. When I asked her why she'd brought her son and hadn't informed me earlier of her intention to bring him, she asked, “Is it a problem?”

Spoiled, pampered boys grow up with oversized egos and an inflated sense of entitlement. As a result, they may lack any sense of responsibility. Brazilian young women lament the challenges of dating spoiled man/boys who treat their girlfriends like maids. Perhaps this explains why it's common to see women dating men 10 or 15 years older than themselves.

While men all over the world generally have less domestic responsibilities than women, it's particularly dramatic in male-dominated cultures like Brazil's. Fathers are rarely seen with their young children without the mothers present. Another marital consequence of a male-dominated culture is high infidelity rates. Brazil has the highest infidelity rates in the world. Women everywhere complain about their husbands, but in Brazil women have a good reason to complain.

While the young women of Brazil learn to accept their domestic duties – cooking and caring for children – and adapt to the demands of motherhood and its responsibilities, the boys have trouble growing up. Adult men are playing video games and living with their parents into their 30s and 40s if they haven't married. They are bad at long-term planning, saving money, and being on time because why would a child need to wear a watch?

Young Brazilian men drive their 1.0 liter engine cars irresponsibly like it's a Formula One race, which explains why Brazil has more traffic fatalities than the US even though the US has more cars and more people. If they're educated and ambitious, spoiled boys can evolve into the notorious group of Brazil's corrupt politicians and businessmen.

Many spoiled Brazilian men having grown up blessed with the skills of the oral tradition are so charming they don't suffer the consequences of their behavior. They continue to act like large children. Some, particularly those middle-aged and older, won't ask for help and never admit they're wrong. They are emotionally and intellectually stubborn, unable to let go of their ideas even if proven wrong. They are bad listeners; they aren't interested in others' opinions unless they are in agreement.

This habit of childish behavior accounts for the obsession with parties. Do children have an interest in anything besides playing with their friends? And when do children ever ask to go to bed? Even Brazilians with full-time jobs don't go to bed before midnight. The Japanese and Chinese are praised for their work ethic but not Brazilians. As one Brazilian explained to me, “Why would I choose to work instead of being with my family?”

The atmosphere of playful exuberance explains why the economy in Brazil comes to a grinding halt every summer. Even the most responsible children are accustomed to having summers free. From the middle of December until Carnival in February, everyone is on the beach. No one begins a job search until after Carnival. Of course, Brazilians see other cultures as obsessed with work and timeliness. Who doesn't prefer a party to work. This is not to say that all Brazilian men are childish. In fact, in today's rapid, globalized world, Brazil is changing. When compared to previous generations, there are powerful, new developments among Brazilians. For example, older Brazilian men, particularly those with money, are often compared to Middle Eastern or Turkish men who exhibit their status by having more than one family – separate wives and children – in separate households. Among young Brazilian men today, this custom of multiple, common-law wives has disappeared.

Here's a fair example of the new Brazil that is emerging. A young Brazilian sales manager told me this story: “I had a meeting scheduled with a new client, a wealthy businessman in a small town. Everyone in the town knew him because of his money, and he represented a potentially huge customer for me. When we met, I was a little nervous. The first question he asked me was, 'Do you cheat on your wife?' I was stunned silent. Did he want me to say yes to verify the lifestyle he was implying? I thought for a moment, and then in respect to my religion and my wife, I told the truth, 'No, I don't.' He replied, 'Good, I don't trust a man who cheats on his wife. How do I know you won't cheat me?' ”

This essay originally appeared under a different title on Brazzil.com.